"Is this all you want?" I finally managed to speak it out. I have never wanted a relationship just to get in bed or someone who only helps to undress me, which is what is exactly happening between us. "Is this all you want between us?" I asked again.
But he didn't answer. Yet I knew he understood what I mean. He has been coming over to my place only when he biologically needed me. It was like once a week or once in two weeks. I was but his bedmate.
Ignoring his ignorance, I ran down my fingers in his naked back which was facing me. It was still wet with the sweats, and I could feel his unsettled heavy breath.
See. I am totally a loser here. Just a moment ago, I felt he is using me just to get inside my pants. I wanted to make it clear that he can't keep going with that pace if he has no love. But the moment I touched his body, I forgot all the hurtful moments.
"Alright, I forgive him," I said in my mind. "He may love me back." I kissed the corner of his ears. "God, I only love this man."
"Hey, can you please stay a bit far?" He finally speaks. "I am feeling hot. Don't touch me."
He gets up from the bed, pulling the shirt, which was lying underneath the pillow.
"I need to go." He speaks again, but this time, his voice was more of commanding. "Don't call me when I am home."
"Ok," my voice was too low at that time. "But..." I paused for a moment. By that time, he was fully dressed up. He didn't care about what I was trying to tell. "Can't you stay just this one night with me?" I pledged.
"No, no I can't." He was too firm as he opened the bedroom door to exit. "You know I don't stay."
...Thus, he went off.
The tears came rolling down my cheeks as I heard his last footstep.
●●●
Well, after a series of hard cries, when I finally knew I can't resist the pains in my heart anymore, I had to smartly stop. I had to at least feel pity on my tear glands.
"No. I am not crying anymore.” I wiped off the tears. "Just how long am I going to keep shedding the tears for him? I am not crying anymore."
I opened the phone to divert the attention, but just then, his picture in my phone wall trapped me back.
"He is so perfect." I ran down my fingers on his perfect circular face. His eyes are a ginger brown with the thick brows above.
"Why do I love him so much?" I questioned my own heart as I placed a soft kiss on the phone. I smiled loving at how I am loving him.
Just then, my phone beeped with a message, "Hi Wangmo, just wanted to know how you’ve been doing. Take care."
It was from Wangchuk.
I ignored the message and chose to scroll down the newsfeed at facebook.
Well, seriously, if I knew that scrolling down the facebook that time would give me that amount of pain, I would've never installed the apps.
You know? I was greeted by an update in the facebook, "Tobgay is in a relationship with Choden."
"Haha, what joke is this?" I didn't want to believe that the update was done some 20 minutes ago. That's like the exact time he went off my room.
I scrolled further down, shaking off my head of what I have just seen. But then, I was too wrong. I received the message from Tobgay admitting it is true about the update.
"What nonsense Tobgay?" I replied back. I still didn't believe it. But he soon sent me a picture of him with that girl, and I was left with no choice other than to reluctantly believe it.
Shattered. Devastated. Broken. Distressed, or you find me the right word. I was completely left numb by the news.
Well, I have no idea of how long did I remained in that state. But my senses were brought back by a beep in my phone.
"Can I speak to you Wangmo. Would you pick up my call?" It was Wangchuk, again.
I didn't reply. I was busy with the whole mess going inside my brain.
"Why not me? Why her? Just why?" I cried. "What was that thing lacking in me that he found in her?" It was though completely illogical of me to compare myself with Choden, I largely envied her at that time. "God knows how I wanted to be the one and only girl of Tobgay."
Another beep in the phone. It was Wangchuk again.
●●●
By the way, Wangchuk is my childhood friend. He has always been my closest one till we went to High school together.
One afternoon, Wangchuk gave me a neatly folded paper, and there, it was written, "I love you Wangmo."
"What insane is this?" I didn't expect Wangchuk to write me a love letter. He is my friend, and that's it.
Thereafter, our friendship gradually faded, and, we went to a different university. And, there it was! I met Tobgay in the final year at my university and instantly fall in love with him.
But Wangchuk? Honestly, I didn't care about how Wangchuk is doing. I just assumed he must be doing fine. But there were the constant rumors that Wangchuk isn't going out with any other girls because he is still suffering from the fever of his first love.
"So childish!" I commented at the rumors and silently wished a sweet girl for him.
●●●
"Why is Wangchuk sending me lots of messages today?" I questioned myself before opening the inbox.
"Dear Wangmo, I know the pains you're going through now. I saw the relationship update of Tobgay. I am sorry that you've to face it alone. But if you ever feel the need for a shoulder to lean on, to help you wipe off the tears and lessen the constrictions, know that I am at your service."
"Poor me! Do I even deserve this mercy from Wangchuk?" I cried even more.
-Fiction.
By Karma☆.
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