Letter

If I were to write to my the one i loved the most. This kind would be the one. I just tried out putting some good and imaginary lines. Fiction!

Dear,

Like you are saying ‘We are long done talking and there is no reason to restart it all over again.’  Yes, we are over and our story has ended the ages ago. I don’t even have a tiny bit of heart that wants to beg you to come back to me. I have had enough of you, I have let you go and I have walked alone for all this way. And now, I have reached this far, away from you, I really want to say ‘it is fine even if you don’t exist.’ However, it is all lie.

 I must be going crazy. Sometimes, I feel like talking to you, I feel like seeing you around, close and near. But I know none of these feeling is because I want to love you again. It is because I want to know more about you. And in short I want to find the reason for dumping me. 

Sometimes you may find me weird and sometimes silly. This is all because, with you, I am still mad, sad and bad because you made me all these three. I know I have no reason to blame you but still for all the reasons, I want to put the blames on you. 

Somewhere in some book, I have come across a line saying “People who are drowned in the past are people who will never know the essence of their future.” This lesson completely defines me. I am just drowned very deep in the past.  However, I am striving to forget the past as I want to realize what the future is. But at the end of every effort, I see your name. 

You know, every night, the last wish I make before sleep is ‘I don’t want to remember you the next day.’ But every morning the first person to strike my mind is ‘you’.  Since the last few years; from the day I saw you, I found myself being very emotional-sensitive. At the touch of a little bad word from you, I become extremely cheerless. I wish you understand this. 

Sometimes in the middle of the night, when everyone is asleep, I put on the candle, stretch out you photo, take a long look on your face and write many things, both sensible and non-sensible about you, about me and about us. You won’t believe me, one night I wrote about you till dusk from midnight. And it came about fifty pages. I shared this with my best friend and as expected she gave a long laugh. It was bit embarrassing. 

The next day, she caught me sobbing after reading the letter that you gave me. She must have felt my pain that time. She snatched the letter and directly made a fire out of it. Instead of acknowledging, I didn’t talk with her for three days because I felt like she has destroyed one of my most treasured things. 

Today, I am writing this not to melt your heart but to ease the constriction in my heart. You know, it is hard to hide the feelings inside but it is harder when the same feeling keeps repeating.

Last day, when I was scrolling down the newsfeed at Facebook, I saw this…”Not caring of her pride and ego, if I girl text you the first to say I miss you, if she wants to resolve the matter first, if she says the sorry first, if she want to share every single moment with you, it doesn’t mean she is desperate. It doesn’t mean she won’t get another boy. It just means she truly loves you.” I thought this message applies the best with me. I wish you could understand this. 

Anyway, life is all about fate and lucks though some are saying fate and lucks are self created. Once, I tried to create a fate and luck because I didn’t want to lose you. I remained praying to the lords, I remained very faithful and committed. But nothing worked out well with me. So, I bid a proper farewell to you. I promised never to think about you, any more. But I don’t know why things aren’t working with me. I just end up thinking about you. I again wish if you could understand this. 

Thank you.