Reflections over my 2016 & 2017 to make a better 2018

I take 2016 as a huge year for me. It was the year that I decided to take-up my current work and regarded myself out from the list of an ‘employment youth.’ Also, for the first time, I had to run my own home though it was cold and empty to be away from parents. Nevertheless, I somehow felt fine.  "Who actually live with their parents the whole life?" No one! I am a grown-up lady and that I gotta be on my own. I felt proud to be living on my own earning and also blessed that my parents can rely on me.

Working as one of the civil servants was huge experience on another hand. It was fun but equally challenging. I still remember how I didn’t even know to write a ‘note sheet.' It was embarrassing at times but I consoled. Nobody is excellent in the beginning.  Associating with the guidance and wisdom of the senior staff, adjusting with the ones who are of my same age but with different perceptions made me get intellectually diversified.

In the same year and the next, I got to travel to different places in the east and meet with lots of people, especially the farmers, and I got to learn that farmers are the humblest section of the population. Regardless of their age and position in the community, farmers always have the greatest sense of courtesy. And for me, because 'being humble' is the mansion that I cling onto to lead the life, it is commendable that I adore living with simplicity. 

Further, being born and brought up to a farmer’s family myself, I’ve always liked the countryside; that smell of the mud and cow dung, that food cooked in an earthen oven, that warmth of the blazing fire by a chimney-less kitchen, that feeling of raw and pureness, I got to revive that original 'me' in some of the villages that I visited for the official matters. I’m still very much glad about the kind of work I chose to do.

Similarly, I feel accomplished that I got my blog created (ogenstar.com) to pursue the little patience I’ve in writing. I must admit that the blog is in good shape with hundreds of visitors every day and another hundred of permanent subscribers. However, the monetization of it is still a challenge. I have not more than 5USD in the blog account which made me invest about 10K so far. But that’s totally ok. I at least own myself a good forum to display the thing that I candidly consider I am quite good at. The best part of blogging is that my inter-personal relationship has expanded.  I am known to several pro and aspirant bloggers and also to some of the Bhutanese film celebrities.

Well, not to forget of a good thing in 2016 & 17, my love affair with Ugyen is going strong. It has never weakened since we coupled up, three years ago. (Because we don’t stay together, I was often questioned by many people about the continuity of our relationship. I was told that a distant relationship is not always successful. Of course, that all thing about the broken marriage, broken relationship which was resulted because of the distance feared me a bit. I just can’t afford to see our relationship failing. But, no, distance hasn’t affected our love. It has just made the bond stronger. We value each other’s presence a lot. There isn’t a day when we don’t talk or chat. It is sweet when he says he can’t get asleep without hearing a word from me.)

2016 was also a good year because for the first time, I am introduced to his families. (In this enigma kinda world where the desires for wealth and status has become an epidemic disease and infected everybody, the families don’t readily accept the love of our choice. I was worried if there would be any kind of objections in our choice from our families. But we are so lucky that we didn’t face any objections alike. I am happy that his families accepted me and happier that my families are happy with him. I am blessed I have the kinda man I’ve wanted.)

Oh well, did I ever tell you this? The kinda man I wanted? Alright. Let me write it now. When I was growing up as a girl and when school was everything for me, I used to desire of a man who is very clever, intelligent and yeah, the man who tops in the examinations. But then I realize that not all the intelligent men are humble.

In College time, I saw many young men addicted to substances and drugs and drinks. I also saw few who are abusive to their partner. Then, I realized that I will need a man who doesn’t do drugs, who aren’t aggressive, who are all-time jovial and who treats his girl like she is the only one. I realized I’ll not care who are his parents, what he did in the past, how he looks, how intellectual he is if he values his girl.

Then, at the final year of my college, I met Ugyen. He was exactly the type of man I defined. The one who doesn’t do drugs, one who is always witty and makes me laugh, one who prioritizes me, one who loves me even with my weakest points. He values me a lot and that’s how our love still is an amazing part of story.

Getting back to the point, 2017 was also a good year. Thanks to the God almighty for not bringing any major illness and casualties to me, my families and all those related to me. Although my Ama was frequently sick this year, I’m happy that she fought the battle courageously.

In the office, I was often pissed off when my works added no value. But I’m happy I learned a lot in the process of finding errors in my doings. I became quite matured in the way I look at the world. I learned that the direct and straightforward ‘self’ that I’ve been as always also is not a good thing. There need the modifications and sweet talks in between. I learned to sometimes subside my urge and the claim of rights.

Again, towards the beginning of 2017, I’ve targeted to read 50 books. I was in a good shape the few initial months. I made sure to read at least three books in a month. But excuse me, I couldn’t keep the trend. I even didn’t count how many books I read because I realized that the numbers don’t matter but the contents and the applications.

I’ve also become quite skeptical about my accounting. Unlike in the past years, I didn’t spend much on buying the stuff like pins, rings, clips and dolls which got shorter durability and also not so worth hoarding. I am happy I don’t act, think and behave like a child anymore. However, I’ve to work on networking and socializing more. It’s a sad fact that I didn’t even enter the neighbor’s house next door. I just forget to get out and hang around. It is even sadder that I can remain inside the locked house for few days without getting out. I sometimes don’t even open my door outside the whole weekends. One of my neighbor men said me if I am on meditation, and only then I realized that I haven’t been outside for quite a number of days.

I also have to now seriously think of what I really want to do. Some of my friends started to ask me when I am going to have a kid and that I am in the right age to be mothering a child. Of course, it’s a huge decision to be a mother. I'll have to think a lot. Some of my other friends also said me to re-appear the RCSE and try the luck. But I am not just sure. I am discovering that it is not necessary to be working as a full-time government employee. I am not just sure where I am heading towards.

Before I forget, let me also apologize to all those I might've hurt during these long 365 days of 2017. As far as I can count on my deeds, I haven't had any intention of hurting anyone. But you know right, that a person cannot purely be a divine harmless soul to all. An action which is intended to help someone would've hurt someone backstage. So, yeah, I repent so much for the ignorance. Just understand and forgive me.  

Well, 2016 and 2017 were the years of accomplishment and also the years of personal growth, coupled with both challenges and good times. I hope 2018 will be more rewarding. I wish the year will not bring me any illness and let me be clear about where I am heading to. 2018, please help me to clearly define my path.

And last, 2018, be good to all ^_^.