"Women in Bhutan doesn't experience any overt gender
discrimination" is what is in many documents and publications. But
to what extent is this pleasant highlight valid is the question I've been
trying to answer since I experienced the gender discrimination myself which I
didn't even know it exists.
I was recently in my village to attend the funeral of my late grandfather. And it was during these time of turmoil that I fought some of the pre-dominated things that the villagers believe a girl can't do.
Well, to the knowledge of everyone, the rituals and any spiritual ceremonies in Bhutan is usually conducted by monks though there is rising numbers of nun and nunneries.
I was recently in my village to attend the funeral of my late grandfather. And it was during these time of turmoil that I fought some of the pre-dominated things that the villagers believe a girl can't do.
Well, to the knowledge of everyone, the rituals and any spiritual ceremonies in Bhutan is usually conducted by monks though there is rising numbers of nun and nunneries.
In the villages, there are equally good number of farmers,
mostly men, who carries out the necessary religious activities. They are
commonly called 'Gomchen.'
In my village as well, there are interesting number of Gomchen. All men. And may be because all Gomchen are men, some villagers have developed their mentalities that all religious activities should be performed only by men. No woman.
But I fairly know that there is nothing that a woman can't do, except the historic practice of woman in Bhutan not allowing to get inside the 'Gyenkhags.' I brutally accept this practice just because we woman aren’t entertained from the door side of the Gyenkhag. If there is no one to disallow this entrance, I am sure, I might have already bragged into some of the Gyenkhags.
So, to do the after death prayers and rituals for my late grandfather, I took the seat nearby the monks and Gomchen to recite what they are reciting. Ofcorse, few people didn't even bother but many did, especially the women.
Well, maybe, many women are illiterate and they are farmers, they found odd for a girl to recite the prayers which is done by men. Some already gave me a strange stare, and I already knew I became the next topic of rumors. But I didn't mind. I didn't feel any low except when one women went to the extent to say 'a woman can't be equally sitting with the men in such functions.'
To this remark, I couldn't hold back my guts, and I had to say them that "there is nothing in this world that a woman can't do which the man can." I said, "if we women are capable and if we want to, we can even completely substitute the monks and Gomchen sitting here."
I don't know how far my message is understood by these women, but what contended me was, when few school girls nodded on my say. I was happy that I at least could say something that they found reliable.
The next was during the burial day of my late grandfather, I mean not burry under ground. Bhutanese burns the corpse. All fireworks to burn the body is again taken care by men. No women even dare to get near the fire, forget about touching and taking care of the fires and fire woods until the body is turned down to ashes.
I as a woman, I sat at a distance of few meters from the fire with other women. From there, I noticed the men having quite a hard and heavy time in taking care of the fire and the body. They all were sweating and reddening.
I couldn't resist the scene and I thought “Why can't I also put some of my effort and let few men regain from the exhaustion instead of simply sitting and watching them with the tears-filled eyes.”
You know what? I went straight to a man and asked him to lend me the stick that he has been using to take care of the fire and the body. But he refused. Just then, I was signaled back by my mother to come near her.
I went near her and asked what is it? She silently scolded me.
"Are you even mad?"
"What?"
"The thing you just attempted to do is the work of men. No woman in the history had ever done this."
"What nonsense." I almost growled at my mom. "No woman did this work because no woman had the courage to do it."
I forced back again but my mother held me back. So, I didn't handle the fire and body just because I am a woman, and I am seen by the society that I can't do that.
And there is another thing. For the 14th day eulogy, there was the need to make the ritual cake commonly called 'torma.' To make this, there was only one monk, and I knew that it would be a heavy work for him.
I asked him if he need any help, and he directed me to gather few stuff needed to make the torma. He even asked me to help him color the torma. I did it as I am asked, and just as we were about to finish the task, another group of women came by.
This time, I wasn't suspicious of my work, and didn't even realize that the torma is usually made by men, until another woman laughingly said me, "Karma, do you even make torma (s)?"
"No Auntie, I don't. I am just helping the Lopen Gyelong here."
"Oh." The women murmured in unison. And only then, I realized that the reason they asked if I can make torma is because I am girl and I shouldn't be doing it.
Few days later, one of my male friend was preparing to erect the prayer flags for the decease. I was coincidentally with the vegetable cutler in my hand. I watched him do the work and shortly, I felt I can also cut some of the wood and help him. So, I did.
That night, my sister said me not to do any other works apart from doing the dishes and cleaning the rooms.
"What? Why?" I asked because I was quite offended to hear this little odd suggestion.
"You stupid. You won't know what the people talked behind you to see you working on the prayer flags earlier."
"Oh my God, these people are seriously something. I can't hold it back any more now." I had the tears welling up my throat. "Why is there so many things that a woman can't do?"
So yea, I had to boldly gulp in several things I did which society think I can't do because I am a girl. And not to forget this, I was appreciated when I was doing the dishes, helping the cooks, and running the errands. A man said right on my face that “this girl is so active and is perfectly running the household chores.”
Similarly, I spent most of the time taking care of the butter lamps, and, another man said “what you’re doing is a very good work girl. This will not only help the decease but also yourself.” So, you see, I was kinda offended for doing some things and appreciated for doing another. But if I were a boy and did the same things, I am confident I wouldn’t have experienced any controversies that I as a girl has experienced.
Lastly, all of these that I experienced were not so serious, but I understood that these are some form of gender discrimination that a woman face, and that are somehow overlooked. So now, I would want to redirect my question to the very beginning of my narration.
In my village as well, there are interesting number of Gomchen. All men. And may be because all Gomchen are men, some villagers have developed their mentalities that all religious activities should be performed only by men. No woman.
But I fairly know that there is nothing that a woman can't do, except the historic practice of woman in Bhutan not allowing to get inside the 'Gyenkhags.' I brutally accept this practice just because we woman aren’t entertained from the door side of the Gyenkhag. If there is no one to disallow this entrance, I am sure, I might have already bragged into some of the Gyenkhags.
So, to do the after death prayers and rituals for my late grandfather, I took the seat nearby the monks and Gomchen to recite what they are reciting. Ofcorse, few people didn't even bother but many did, especially the women.
Well, maybe, many women are illiterate and they are farmers, they found odd for a girl to recite the prayers which is done by men. Some already gave me a strange stare, and I already knew I became the next topic of rumors. But I didn't mind. I didn't feel any low except when one women went to the extent to say 'a woman can't be equally sitting with the men in such functions.'
To this remark, I couldn't hold back my guts, and I had to say them that "there is nothing in this world that a woman can't do which the man can." I said, "if we women are capable and if we want to, we can even completely substitute the monks and Gomchen sitting here."
I don't know how far my message is understood by these women, but what contended me was, when few school girls nodded on my say. I was happy that I at least could say something that they found reliable.
The next was during the burial day of my late grandfather, I mean not burry under ground. Bhutanese burns the corpse. All fireworks to burn the body is again taken care by men. No women even dare to get near the fire, forget about touching and taking care of the fires and fire woods until the body is turned down to ashes.
I as a woman, I sat at a distance of few meters from the fire with other women. From there, I noticed the men having quite a hard and heavy time in taking care of the fire and the body. They all were sweating and reddening.
I couldn't resist the scene and I thought “Why can't I also put some of my effort and let few men regain from the exhaustion instead of simply sitting and watching them with the tears-filled eyes.”
You know what? I went straight to a man and asked him to lend me the stick that he has been using to take care of the fire and the body. But he refused. Just then, I was signaled back by my mother to come near her.
I went near her and asked what is it? She silently scolded me.
"Are you even mad?"
"What?"
"The thing you just attempted to do is the work of men. No woman in the history had ever done this."
"What nonsense." I almost growled at my mom. "No woman did this work because no woman had the courage to do it."
“The other time you went to wrap the body with Khadhar is also the work supposed to be done by the men is what the people are saying.” My mom reminded me back to few minutes ago when I went near the body to wrap it with the Khadhar. “Be alert and don’t let people talk bad of you.”
“Let them tell whatever, and I am just not going to stop anything if my works contribute in the good cause of our grandfather.”
I forced back again but my mother held me back. So, I didn't handle the fire and body just because I am a woman, and I am seen by the society that I can't do that.
And there is another thing. For the 14th day eulogy, there was the need to make the ritual cake commonly called 'torma.' To make this, there was only one monk, and I knew that it would be a heavy work for him.
I asked him if he need any help, and he directed me to gather few stuff needed to make the torma. He even asked me to help him color the torma. I did it as I am asked, and just as we were about to finish the task, another group of women came by.
This time, I wasn't suspicious of my work, and didn't even realize that the torma is usually made by men, until another woman laughingly said me, "Karma, do you even make torma (s)?"
"No Auntie, I don't. I am just helping the Lopen Gyelong here."
"Oh." The women murmured in unison. And only then, I realized that the reason they asked if I can make torma is because I am girl and I shouldn't be doing it.
Few days later, one of my male friend was preparing to erect the prayer flags for the decease. I was coincidentally with the vegetable cutler in my hand. I watched him do the work and shortly, I felt I can also cut some of the wood and help him. So, I did.
That night, my sister said me not to do any other works apart from doing the dishes and cleaning the rooms.
"What? Why?" I asked because I was quite offended to hear this little odd suggestion.
"You stupid. You won't know what the people talked behind you to see you working on the prayer flags earlier."
"Oh my God, these people are seriously something. I can't hold it back any more now." I had the tears welling up my throat. "Why is there so many things that a woman can't do?"
So yea, I had to boldly gulp in several things I did which society think I can't do because I am a girl. And not to forget this, I was appreciated when I was doing the dishes, helping the cooks, and running the errands. A man said right on my face that “this girl is so active and is perfectly running the household chores.”
Similarly, I spent most of the time taking care of the butter lamps, and, another man said “what you’re doing is a very good work girl. This will not only help the decease but also yourself.” So, you see, I was kinda offended for doing some things and appreciated for doing another. But if I were a boy and did the same things, I am confident I wouldn’t have experienced any controversies that I as a girl has experienced.
Lastly, all of these that I experienced were not so serious, but I understood that these are some form of gender discrimination that a woman face, and that are somehow overlooked. So now, I would want to redirect my question to the very beginning of my narration.
“To what extent
that the highlight saying women in Bhutan enjoys relatively higher gender equality
should be valid?”
Ofcorse, all I experienced
are not threatening, but are we women going to accept all these inequalities
just because these aren’t imposing any risk and threat?
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