When Love leads:

"I am never calling him again," I say this everytime my call goes unanswered. But comes the next day, I still can't resist. So I call him again to go my call unanswered again.

"It's okay, he must be engaged somewhere," I tell to myself. "He is going to call me soon."

But this 'soon' never happens. And finally, I choose to message him which goes unreplied.

"It's okay,” I say again, beating my chest with the fist to stop the tears flowing out. “He will reply me when he sees this."

●●●
It's been a couple of months now. Our relationship took a great transformation. It was as if, it has leaped from A-Z without considering the other 24 alphabets in between.

"Is he rejecting me already? My subconscious often asks in an unexpected manner. "No, no. This can't be happening." I remind back.

You know, every time I get the feeling that he is ignoring me, I perfectly wipe it off. I can't accept the idea of him leaving me. It would be like an end to my happiness or end to my life if he is gone. So, hiding my pride under the sleeve, I would ask him why is he not answering to any of my calls the next time we meet, but he would just ignore it again.

●●● 
Alright, the life, now, is never like how we have started. All the burning passions, all the melting desires, all that unseen forces that attracts me to him is gone. Of course, I don't find any change in the way I feel for him, the way he looks at me had a dramatic change. He doesn't look at me the way he used to do anymore. All I can see in his eyes is that dreadful cold. The once-promising eyes that glittered every time we met is now a serious pair of a dirty hole. I just wonder what the hell has happened to the man I love, and the man who promised to give me all of his love.

"Dear, is everything alright?" I asked him one night while playing with the little hairs on his chest. "You look lost."

"Hey, ahh, my arms...it hurts." He ignored my question and turned to the other side of the bed.

I know, for the last six months of our stay together, his arms always had been wrapping around me as a pillow, and this was the first time he complained.

"Oh okay," I whispered with an apology. "Sorry." I kissed his naked back facing me and said a soft goodnight. He was damn silent. I didn't even know whether he heard me.

"Tsk...something is really bothering him," I said in my mind. "I wish he can tell me what is it."

●●● 
The next few nights after that night when he removed his arms beneath my head, we didn't actually meet.

By the way, hello people, I am Wangmo and he is Tobgay. No, we aren't married but works in the same company. Our relationship is damn secret. Nobody knows of it, except the two of us. Believe me, I have planned to expose out our affairs a month ago, but seeing his change of behavior, I have paused a while. I am sure that once we are able to solve what is going in his head, we are going to make a great couple. I have big plans ahead, and in each plan, my Tobgay is my main character. In fact, all of my plans revolve around him. Every night, when he is away from me at his home, I fill up my journal, planning about 'us' living together. My first plan is to shift my apartment after we announce our affairs. I want a big apartment so that he can also move in. I found out he likes blue. So, I decided our bedroom curtains would be a netted pitch blue.

I used to call him, every night, asking about his favorite stuff; the food, room arrangements, the perfume, and many silly matters alike. I wanted everything to be perfect for him when we finally start living together.

He used to equally cooperate on our agenda ahead, and, in the middle of the conversation, he used to tell me how excited he is to have our lives together.

"My handsome man, I will always love you," I promised.

●●● 
Well, six months later, I am still with that same promise. It is as fresh and firm as it has been since the start. I have never let any of my words and promises on him fail.

But... what about him? He is no more the Tobgay he used to be. The numbers of him calling me has a drastic drop. The frequency of him missing my call has a drastic rise. Everything is happening so fast that I couldn’t even trace of. I was just busy myself loving him.

He no more insists to come to my place like he used to do. I don't receive any more call in the midnight just to tell me how hard he missed me, even though, it may be an hour after we depart from the works.

Well, despite all of these transformations, which apparently was not a good sign, I continued wearing a smile before him and acted nothing of his rejection is hurting me. I played strong before him and the moment he is out of my sight, I got drown in the pool of tears.

"Until he is mine, I can take in his attitudes." I reassured myself.

●●● 
A night before my birthday on 12th May, I called him for a sleepover at my place. It was though unlikely of both of us. Because it used to be him, who have always wanted a sleepover at my place, it was little odd when I called him the first.

"Hym, sorry dear. I wouldn't make it tonight", was all his answer.

"Uhgg." I swallowed that huge lump of rejection. The pains and remorse filled the whole of me. "Oh. Fine. Will see you tomorrow."

And… my birthday came. We always used to talk about how big we are going to celebrate and how hard we are going to enjoy that day. But comes reality, I was all alone. Tobgay didn't even wish me.

"Ahh, leave it. He must've forgotten my birthday because he is busy with works." I talked to myself again that night when a part of me wanted to remind him of the day. "He may make it out tomorrow."

For me, the hopes didn't die. 'Tomorrow' was always at my rescue. I waited every day for that better 'tomorrow.' But you know, it didn't come.

●●● 
Few days after my birthday, Tobgay came to my place. I was extremely happy that we are going to resolve everything out and start fresh.

When we were inside the shower, "Tobgay when are we revealing our affairs to others? We also need to talk to our parents." I suggested him.

"Haa...wha...what? Revealing this affair to others? Talk to the parents? Are you crazy?" He had that deadliest screams that I felt like puking all over sudden. My head was rotating inside so I had to quit the scene. I wasn't even sure if all of these are happening.

Going straight to the bedroom, I rolled the blankets all over my head and threw my body on the floor. I wanted a distraction; something cold and hard to wake me up from this bad dream. I was so lost that I didn't even remember to cry.

I don't know how long I stayed that way, inside the blanket, but I was alerted back to the reality by the ring in his phone. His phone was kept beneath the pillow when we were making that one of the impassionate love earlier.

"Karmaxxx" was the caller ID. I clearly saw it on the screen.

"Strange name." I rolled my eyes and left it back there. I didn't want to pass the phone to him, at least not now, after all of his rude comment.

"I hope the call wasn't from someone important. Or something urgent." And as I just said it to myself, his phone was once again alerted with an incoming of a new message.

With no clear objective, I happened to read the new message, which obviously was from Karmaxxx.

"Hey babe, come with the protection tonight." This was followed by a little heart at the end.

"Damn." I gave a sarcastic sigh. "What is this?" I scrolled up.

"No, I won't leave you. I promise", was in the sent button. It means it is sent by my dear Tobgay, who once promised me that I am and will be his only girl.

And…there were another hundreds of similar messages exchanged. I wanted to read it all, but, you know, it was too painful for my heart.

"Wangmo, get my shirt." I heard him calling from the shower.

"Ok."

I got him his gray shirt. I was just working on an automated mode. My heart was already dead inside.

Picking up his phone, "Wangmo, I need to go," He hurries up as he gives the final touch on his styled hairs. "Don't wait for me tonight." And before I could say a word, he was already out of my sight.

"Alright, I will not wait for you tonight and never hereafter." I closed the door, permanently from him, and permanently from the life.

...Fiction...

-By: Karma☆.