My dear Tobgay

This long story after a long time😊.

Yes. I love him. I love him so much that I am willing to do anything. I can shed and sacrifice, kneel and beg, and also if he want, I can fade away. If that is what it would make him happy, why wouldn't I be able get disappeared? Infact, I have learned to survive the betrayals and bad assess after I found that I am in love with him and that love grew even more stronger after bedding with him.

It was one year, fours months and three days from now. The day was monotonous but a pleasant one. We had the three day meeting ended with a good note and no wonder that night obviously was the party night.

●●●

Hey, by the way, I am Wangmo. I work in one of the private press. He is Tobgay. He recently joined the company as the new chief editor.

He is tall and lanky. His eyes the olive brown and his face gingerly procelined. Sometimes, through a distant view, I used to mistake him for a dashing banker who have just readied for the red carpet walk as the new fashion icon.

"Why so much perfections in one person." I often got thrilled. Dignified, elegant and soft spoken.

Days went by and I started becoming fond of him. He became everything I wanted. Through his friend, I learned that he is married and fathering a baby girl.

This new information pinned me and my emotions to the ground. But I soon started not to get disturbed.

"What wrong is there to silently be in love with the married man?" That's my new understanding. "But I shall never let this feeling effect us."

So I kept adoring him for very long time. He is kind and forgiving. Very intelligent and well learned. The only thing I didn't like about him was his fondness of night out. He enjoy all the night entertainment houses.

●●●

After the meeting, everyone of us were to dine together. The wines took us to a little higher senses that even I agreed to join the team to the night party.

"Opps. The key." My room key felt off from my hand right at the entrance of the party hall . I wasn't having any hand bag and to make it worst, my jeans was pocket less.

Everyone of us were staying in the hotel. The meeting was hosted far from home.

"Would you mind if your keys are kept with me?"

"Oh no. Please." I hesitantly handed the keys to Tobgay.

The party took longer than I have imagined. Musics, hummings, screamings, smokes, laughters and everything in combine made me little dizzy. So I had to squeeze out of the room after so much efforts and attempts to act comfortable. I walked towards the hotel.

●●●

"Oh my key." I felt extremely miserable. "How would I get it now?"

I waited outside for quite a long time wondering what should I do the next. And when I finally decided to call him to get my keys, it was already 1:45 am. I was little petrified but calling him was the only solution that crossed my exhausted mind that time.  

"Tobgay...uhh." I was shivering. "My key."

"Oh yes, where are you?"

"Outside my room."

"Ok. I am coming." He hung up the phone.

●●●

Tobgay reached the hotel in less than five minutes. He must have hurried.

"Sorry to have bothered. I had to get the keys." I thanked and apologized him at the same time.

And just as I opened the door, he forced himself inside first.

"I want to see your room!"

"What?" It was funny and odd. We both had to force a hard smile to not find it weird.

We stood at the door for a long time staring at each other. Up close I noticed the color of his lips was ginger nude and he get a little dimple in his right cheek.

"You look gorgeous." He finally broke the long silence.

"Oh." I blushed out. "Would you now?" I directed my eyes towards the door and his eyes followed mine.

"Can I not stay here with you tonight?" His tone was calm and begging and his eyes spoke the genuineness.

"Oh god, how would I be able to deny this godlike man?" The intuition spoke inside my head.

"No." I had to say. I lowered my head to hide the pain showing in my face.

He nodded and reluctantly turned towards the door.

I stayed back holding my desire to grab him and pin him down the bed, kissing and never letting go.

"Goodnight." I told him in a low voice. And what happened next shocked me to the hell.

He suddenly rushed towards me and took me to his embrace. I didn't move and was breathing to the wall of his chest.

"This is it. This is it!" I was screaming the happiness in my mind. "This is what I wanted. To be in his arms. To be this close." He smelled sweet and little sour. I liked his alcohol smell.

Just as I was in the cloud nine pleasuring the happiness of having him close to me, I was brought back to the reality at the sound of his slow cough.

"Goodnight." He placed a soft kiss on my forehead, gradually taking his hand away from my shoulder. He moved back towards the door keeping his eyes still on me.

And at that very moment, I took a very critical decision. I wanted him. I was decided. I wanted him. Regardless of what may happen the next, I decided to accept all.

"You may not leave if you want." I finally spoke out.

"Huh?" His lips broadened to the smile. His eyes were questioning kind, looking at me. Puzzled.

"You heard it right." And then next, I didn't let him confirm any more. My lips were already on him.

●●●

He was soft at first and then harder. We didn't stop for long.

"I love you." I whispered in his ears before finally dozing off on his arms. Exhausted and very happy!

●●●

Following that dreamy-magical night, I became fonder of him. He was in my every thoughts and actions.

The once conceded feelings started exploding. I wanted to let him know how I am feeling and how I have felt. I feared of losing him. So, yeah, I finally confessed.

Well, a girl confessing her love mayn't be surprising but remember, Tobgay is a married man. He is married. I clearly know that yet I still let him know that I love him.

For me, it didn't matter. His marriage didn't matter. And believe me, what I wanted from him was just letting me love him and that's it.

One afternoon, as we drive home from the work, he asked me if I want to marry him.

"Oh. No. No. Please." I said. "There is no way that I want to break your marriage."

He remained silent.

But honestly, yes, I have loved him and that led me to sleep with him and I would've been the happiest if I get to be his wife. But for his sake, I had to refuse.

"If you don't want to marry me, why did you chose to sleep with me?" This was the text I received from him that night.

I didn't reply. "What should be my answer? How would I reply to question like that?" I have no answer.

●●●

Following that incident, our relation started deteriorating. Ofcorse my love from him didn't lower a bit, his ignorance and avoidance grew bigger. I was fine with that. Or how can I not be fine when all the false was with me?

"How would I force someone belonging to other woman give me the attentions I wanted. So I am fine."

Days went by. Cruel and tough. I started feeling uncomfortable. My body felt heavy and nauseated.

●●● After 2 months ●●● 

"Oh, congratulations Wangmo. You are pregnant!" The nurse who has once been my school mate offered me a hug with the files in her hand.

"Pregnant?" I suddenly felt like puking. My palms went wet. The lips went dry that I had to wet it before I could force a faint smile.

"C'mon. Cheer up. Where is your husband? She patted on my back. "He must be very happy."

"My husband...uhh..." No words came up. I had to swallow another rush of chilly winter air that hurt my lungs. "My husband...umm, he is at work." I turned my face from hers.

●●●

And now, I am in my second trimester. I haven't met Tobgay for months and neither did I inform him the news.

I am just so happy that a part of him is growing inside me.

No matter what it takes, I shall keep this little gift from him sound and happy. And to make this happen, I have put my resignation letter from the work. 

Now, I am just waiting for the resignation approval so that this little Tobgay inside me and I shall get somewhere far.  And I am already so excited.

"Thank you Tobgay." I texted him now. I will soon replace my phone with new SIM, and will forever fade away.

-Karma☆                                      _____Note: Fiction