Insanely shattered by the news of her death

Everything surely is uncertain but the death is, which I don't like it. Not at all. (Of course, nobody likes death.) It is cruel and fearful. It is mean and cunning. It doesn't have any sympathy and justice. It is just so selfish. It leaves back the people with betrayal and full of remorse. 

But, okay, calm down, there is no point putting blame on it. It will anyway never spare any one of us. It has no mercy how much ever we may pledge. 

However, you know, every time I hear about the death of someone, I feel totally bad and broken. Shattered infact. I curse this impermanence of the life. But there is nothing else that I can do except say a few lines of prayers in the name of the departed soul.  

This time, a few days ago, I saw a Facebook post of one of my friend who was moaning over her late mom. I couldn't resist it. It was too much for me to believe that her mom is no longer seeing this earth. I was so devastated.  

My friend, Neenda, we are of same age and from the same village. We grew up together. But not for long. I had to leave my village in my early teens with my parents to Tsirang. I've never met her since 2005. However, she was always in my heart for I  had an unforgettable childhood experiences because of her.

Neenda is only the girl and youngest child in her family of 7 or 8. (I don't exactly remember how many brothers she has.) As the only girl child, she was comparatively a pampered and a tough girl. I was no less, on another hand. I was a bit tough since I was very small and the presence of my elder sister in the same school during those days made me tougher. She was the captain and I've always boosted of it. (I still remember that, the next year, my sister got passed out from the school. A boy told me, right on my face that I've became overtly silent because I no longer have the person to rely on and bully others. But the fact that he didn't knew about me that day was, I was severely fighting the tooth ache. How dare he could speak to me that way? I fought back with him few days later when the tooth ache got subside.) 

Well, those days, we had to walk almost an hour long from school to home. That long-distance somehow favored for me and Neenda to fight. Yes, the physical fighting, not just the verbal quarreling. I don't know why but we used to fight almost every evening, on the way from school to home.

On Saturdays, we used to have only half day school session. This means we need to get home earlier than other days. But Neenda and I would engage in fighting on the way and would get home very late. Sometimes, my sister and her friend used to accompany us but most of the time, it used to be me and her who would get home the last. 

I still remember, one Saturday afternoon, as we fight, I have torn almost half of her tego. (She did a part of mine too though). That night, I have heard her mother bad mouthing me. 

I was told by my cousin who stays close to Neenda's house not to fight with her every day or else her mother is gonna hate me. 

Since then, I stopped fighting with her. We became nice friends. I used to go to her place in the night sometimes. Her mother used to cook for us and also give us some ara. (Neenda used to be so fond of ara-locally brewed alcohol.) 

Neenda also used to be so talented in weaving. Almost at the age of 10 or so, she used to weave like one of the elderly ladies. But for me, I've never taken any serious interest in weaving. So, I still don't know to weave. My bad😬.

In that midst of making my good friend bond with Neenda, I had to come to Tsirang. I've never got back to the village then. I had no contact with her for long. 

However, a few years ago, I was excited to see her online. It was a pleasant moment for me for it brought back the long-lost reminisces of those childhood memories. 

I found out that she is married and even got a child. I was so happy for her. I knew she would make a good home for her family and yes, she is proving that. 

On the online, we rarely chat. It is sometimes hard to reconnect like we used to be in the past while together. We don't share much of our life and story together anymore.

So, yea, she didn't tell me about the tragedy happened to her mom. If there wasn't the online post about the incidence, I wouldn't have known about it yet. But that's okay. She must be under so much of pressures and disastrous moments these days.My bad, I still couldn't ask her more. I just can't make her feel worse asking the details of the tragedy. So, I am writing this to console myself.

Well, Neenda, I am not sure if I will let you know about this condolences message but if you by any chance happen to see this, please know that I've equally felt the loss you did. 

I just want to say this, my dear friend, you've been tough and strong since young. No one knows this better than me. You've been a fighter. Remember? How much we used to fight and how much you used to stand up strong? So, be that same girl. Fight hard. Don't lose okay? 

I mourn over the death of your mom. She surely was a great soul. She will find peace no matter where she goes. What is important now is to take care of yourself. Be strong and always do something good in the name of the departed soul.  

-with love, 

Karma.